关于说话的箴言 Proverbs on Speaking

Title: Proverbs on Speaking
Date: 7th Aug 2022
Preacher: Rev. Wong Siow Hwee

The Chinese have a saying: Sickness enters from the mouth, troubles exit from the mouth (病从口入，祸从口出). Proverbs have a similar saying.
Proverbs 18: 6 The lips of fools bring them strife,
and their mouths invite a beating.
Proverbs 18: 7 The mouths of fools are their undoing,
and their lips are a snare to their very lives.
I am going to share two stories with a similar beginning, yet with totally different endings. Story A is a recent incident that made the news. [1] There was a really minor accident at the Tuas Second link that involved a car scratching another car when trying to switch lanes. Normally, such accidents are common, and easily resolved with an exchange of particulars to settle claims. But what made this particular incident viral news was that the woman passenger of the scratched car came out with all guns blazing, blocking the car with her body, plucking out the license plate, throwing it back at the windscreen, and along with her son used a lot of choice words and hand gestures towards the driver and passengers of the other car.

Unfortunately for the lady and her son, all these were captured on camera and widely circulated. She later claimed that in her defense, the other car had been the guilty party who was weaving recklessly from lane to lane in the jam, and after her car was scratched because of the lane changing, she was triggered when the driver of the other car asked her son, who was the driver, to get out of the car. She interpreted it as taunting, and hence her subsequent behaviors were just in defense of her son and retaliating in kind. At this point, it is hard to know who said what to aggravate the situation into such a mess. But it did make me wonder: Could the entire conflict have been deescalated if someone had acted with wisdom? I believe so.

Proverb’s advice for speech is that how you express yourself has a significant impact on the situation.
Proverbs 12: 25 Anxiety weighs down the heart,
but a kind word cheers it up.
Proverbs 15: 1 A gentle answer turns away wrath,
but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Let me now share story B which happened to me many years ago when I was also similarly involved in an accident. The car in front braked suddenly, and luckily I managed to stop in time. But the car behind me crashed into mine, though thankfully it wasn’t a big hit. The car in front moved on, perhaps none the wiser that it caused an accident behind, but both me and the driver behind me got out. He immediately fired his displeasure, “Why did you stop suddenly?” “Well, the car in front stopped, so I had no choice”, I replied. I could tell he got a little agitated by the accident. So I told him gently. “Look, I know it is not your fault. But since you bumped me from behind, this accident will likely rule in my favour. Let’s just exchange details, and the insurance will take care of the rest.” Thankfully, he calmed down, and it was resolved amicably. I suppose he could tell that I was empathetic to his misfortune, and he probably felt commiserated with despite being initially aggrieved by the situation.

Proverbs 14: 3 A fool’s mouth lashes out with pride,
but the lips of the wise protect them.
Proverbs 21: 23 Those who guard their mouths and their tongues
keep themselves from calamity.
To be honest, even though I appeared to have responded calmly to the driver, actually I was equally upset by the accident as well. Fellow drivers would know that even though I would not suffer any financial loss from the accident, fixing the car itself would still involve a lot of unnecessary hassle and wastage of time. So when I was bombarded with accusations at the beginning, I could easily have vented my frustrations by fighting back, “eh, you don’t know how to keep safe distance, is it? How’s this my fault anyway.” After all, my pride was at stake. But at that point, my aim was to alleviate both of our distress from an unfortunate situation neither of us wanted. My pride became unimportant.

Proverbs 10: 32 The lips of the righteous know what finds favor,
but the mouth of the wicked only what is perverse.
Proverbs 15: 28 The heart of the righteous weighs its answers,
but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil.
Let us now analyze the two different outcomes from the incidents. Let me be clear that I don’t consider myself righteous, and I certainly don’t think of the woman in the first story as wicked, but what needs to be highlighted is precisely the power of speech. To Proverbs, what differentiates the righteous from the wicked is your ultimate goal in a confrontational situation. In every confrontation, you can choose to make a situation better by finding pleasing well-weighted words, or you can add fuel to the fire by choosing incendiary words, and if you choose the latter, you are choosing evil rather than good. Therefore, what we choose to say ultimately determines what kind of person we are, whether you are the type that makes things better or worse. In the Proverbs framework, your choice of words can determine if you are on the righteous path or wicked path. As Jesus said in Mark 7: 20 He went on: “What comes out of a person is what defiles them. 21 For it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that evil thoughts come. 23 All these evils come from inside and defile a person.”

Let me now share how we can be wise.
Proverbs 17: 27 The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint,
and whoever has understanding is even-tempered.
Proverbs 17: 28 Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent,
and discerning if they hold their tongues.
Those who can hold their temper are wise and discerning. Why so? Because they do not let the situation get the better of them. Those who are wise know they have to remain cool-headed to make good decisions. If you don’t know what to say, keeping silent is better than talking rashly. I think that people who can restraint their temper are able to do so because they know how to look at the bigger picture, and hence they don’t sweat the small stuff. They don’t just know what kind of person they want to be, but also what is the ultimate goal in every conflict and difference of opinion. It takes wisdom to answer the question: what really matters.

What really matters is sin and life.
Proverbs 10: 19 Sin is not ended by multiplying words,
but the prudent hold their tongues.
Proverbs 13: 3 Those who guard their lips preserve their lives,
but those who speak rashly will come to ruin.
You have to ask yourself: Do you want to add to sin, or do you want to add to life? That determines if you speak or don’t speak; and if you do speak, what do you say. If you have been discussing the virtue of prudence in your cell groups, you might have talked about the prudence of holding your tongue. I think it is especially important when your emotions get riled up. The Chinese have a saying: 得理不饶人, which means being unforgiving when you think you are right in the argument. Yet, everybody thinks that they are right during a quarrel. When you know you will be speaking unkind words, or words uttered in the spur of the moment which you might regret later, guarding your lips in times like this is a wise decision. As the Proverbs say, you might think you are justified in your tirade, but more likely, you are just adding on to the sinfulness of the situation. How then do you add to life? The Chinese also have a saying: 得饶人处且饶人, which means when it is time to forgive or let go, you should. [2] What I do suggest is that if you choose to speak, then you should speak words of empathy and kindness that will more likely lead towards reconciliation.

To learn the right words to speak, we need to teach wisdom and knowledge. We did that when we learnt how to comfort those in suffering at the recent church retreat. For the last section of my sharing, I want to address one key thing that Jubilee has been doing and will continue to do to add life to the community: how we do our spiritual feeding in Jubilee.
Proverbs 10: 21 The lips of the righteous nourish many,
but fools die for lack of sense.
Proverbs 15: 7 The lips of the wise spread knowledge,
but the hearts of fools are not upright.
Proverbs 18: 4 The words of the mouth are deep waters,
but the fountain of wisdom is a rushing stream.
First, we acknowledge that those with knowledge play an important role in teaching and shepherding. In Jubilee, all our cell group leaders, children ministry teachers and session members are called shepherds, modeled after Jesus who is the good shepherd. Words can be a source of life when they are used for encouragement, giving good advice, and especially in leading people with the words of God. We are well aware of its power of life and death, hence we must treat what we say with sacred reverence. The best reward for shepherds is when the lives of our listeners are transformed positively.

Yet secondly, it is interesting that despite its emphasis on education and guidance, Proverbs included these two lines.
Proverbs 10: 14 The wise store up knowledge,
but the mouth of a fool invites ruin.
Proverbs 12: 23 The prudent keep their knowledge to themselves,
but a fool’s heart blurts out folly.
It is an honest reflection of a reality that knowledge should only be shared to the right person, at the right time, in the right context. On one hand, we must know when to stay quiet with our knowledge; on the other hand, we must know when it is feeding time. It takes a wise person to know when the right moment to speak is, and even wiser to be able to engineer such moments through spending time and developing the relationship for a listening ear. And this is something that Jubilee will work towards: how do we continue to create such moments for receptive ears?

Proverbs 15: 4 The soothing tongue is a tree of life,
but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.
Proverbs 15: 23 A person finds joy in giving an apt reply—
and how good is a timely word!
The vision from Proverbs is that we have a community that shares wisdom through speaking about speaking. We need to learn how to speak with love, whether it is with patience or kindness. We aim to bring truth, but also joy. We often struggle with how we can teach and correct, and yet make people happy. Stronger relationships is the answer. I think this adage is true: “No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.” This is my final point: Relationship matters in conveying knowledge. The better the relationship, the more honest and deeper we can talk about the truth. Our speaking has to convey that we care with sincerity and sensitivity. And this is how truth can be received with joy. When we truly care about the other person, and the other person knows you have their interest at heart, you are more likely to finding the right words to say, and deliver them at the right timing.

Proverbs 12: 18 The words of the reckless pierce like swords,
but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Proverbs 16: 24 Gracious words are a honeycomb,
sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
I wish to conclude by linking today’s sermon to our theme of flourishing life: life led right, life going well, and living happily. As a community, we hope for justice to be served, yet we also want to maintain harmony and general happiness, and sometimes these objectives seem at odds with each other. What I hope to highlight today is the importance of speaking at the right timing, delivered with the right tone, and being careful with words, even to the point of keeping silent if necessary. This is something we must continue to learn as we grow in wisdom. I pray for a future of flourishing life for Jubilee. We have lives led right, lives going well in peace and harmony, and above all that we will live happily with God’s blessing upon us.

华语崇拜的视频链接：https://youtu.be/qETKz_aOa2U
Bilingual Service Video Link: https://youtu.be/QdmuUQjEe4A