A Scrape with Death

1st Person Narrative Sermon on Psalm 116:1-11

Were you ever in a fight where you knew you could not win? A fight where you felt utterly helpless against defeat? I know it sounds cowardly. I know it sounds defeatist. One should fight till the end and never give up. But there are times where you can just sense that the battle is over. That moment came for me not so long ago. I suppose you could say that it wasn’t a moment, but “HE” who came for me. Who is he? He is an enemy I know; though strictly speaking, he belongs to the unknown. How can you know a phantom that lurks in the dark? How can you know something that is the opposite of everything you experience? But he is there in a distance my entire life, and it would be impolite to feign ignorance of him. On that note, it’s also rather unfair to call him an enemy, since he bears no specific ill sentiments towards me. But what do you call someone who robs you of everything you hold dear? Is there any other title for he who threatens my soul? This enemy of mine, you know him too. His name is Death.

In the fields of observation, Fortune favours only the prepared mind (Louis Pasteur). I should have seen him coming, but I was unwary (v.6). And Death does not suffer fools gladly. My only consolation is that there are many who are like me. Come on, there’s no need to deny it. Youth is a passage towards maturity, and on that road, we all took our turns mocking Death. I am young and I deny my mortality. In hindsight, that was foolish indeed. I was punching above my weight but I didn’t know it. I thought I saw a dope on the ropes and I was hitting as hard as I can. And Death was taunting me: “They told me you could punch” and “They told me your punches were hard.” I was angry, and I wanted to prove that I’m bigger than Death, that I’m stronger than Death. Little did I know that this was only Death’s strategy called ‘rope-a-dope’. [1]

In this strategy, a boxer frequently leans on the ropes and covers up, letting the other guy punch him on the arms and body. But this is just energy wasting for the other guy because much of the energy from the punches is absorbed by the ropes' elasticity rather than the boxer's body. At first, you may seem to be dominating. Oh, the crazy things I do, the death defying stunts I try. Death seemed so powerless. But as the rounds go on, you are just increasingly worn out. In my naivety, I thought life was a fireworks display, living the moment and without regrets. I was punching full force hoping to make a point with every blow. But life is actually an endurance test, much like a slow rumble through the jungle. [2] Danger lurks everywhere and it is just waiting for you to lose concentration. In one moment during the fight, I slammed Death with a thundering body blow: “Pow!”. He whispered to me "Is that all you’ve got?" to which I thought "Yep...that's about it." That was the moment when I realized that this was a fight I could not win. The strain of throwing so many wild shots had taken its toll. After that, Death began to dominate.

What does dying feel like? Well, it feels like falling. (v.8) You feel your sense of balance sliding away from you. Or you feel a sudden drop in your centre of gravity. Your first instinct is to break fall. Stop the drop whichever way you can. That’s your experience telling you to minimise the impact of the fall. You want to bargain your way back. Maybe this guy could help. Maybe if I just grab hold of that. But actual dying feels like all efforts to break fall are in vain. And depending on how Death comes for you, sometimes the countdown to impact takes a little while. Sometimes dying also feels like sinking. (v.3) It is like I’m in a quicksand and every struggle makes it worse. It’s like Death has entangled my limps with seaweed, and it is pulling me slowly but surely into the deep. The cords are tight and there’s a load weighing me down. This pit has become my grave and I am being swallowed alive. This is what dying feels like. The moment of Death isn’t when your heart stops beating or your brain stops clicking. Death becomes real when you realise the falling and the sinking you are experiencing has become unstoppable.

I cried. (v.3, 8, 10) I cried big manly tears. It’s not like I was analysing my situation and I decided to cry. I guess pride and dignity just mattered little at that point. I was too weak to care. I was gripped by my emotions, I felt the grief and sorrow, and they swallowed me as well. Is that the feeling of being alone? (v.11) It’s strange how you come crying in proclamation into this world and you leave crying in resignation. I think it is more the fear of being alone. I looked around and understood that nobody can walk down this road with me. In life, you make life-long friends. You have companions and children as your pillars of support. But life-long means just that, it ends when life ends. I think everybody lies and all of us deceive, though I know it is with the best of intentions. Our friends and family may truly want to help, but they are powerless before Death. It is disappointing but nonetheless the truth. Who knows? Maybe all these is just my depression speaking.

(Loud) Lord, save me(v.4)! Oh now, YHWH, save my life! [3] Have mercy on me, O Lord, this is my plea (v.1). I wish I was strong. I wish I cried out because I’m a faith warrior. But really, I’m just desperate. Lord, are you listening, or have you forsaken me? Lord, you are gracious and righteous; I know you are full of compassion (v.5). If only you would remember me now? I am down, I am brought low, and now you seem so far away. Lord of the high heavens, so far away. Death has captured me, he has captured my soul. Are you listening? Are you watching? My tears have blurred out my eyes, and I cannot see you anymore. I’m leaving for the land of the dead. Save me, or at least, just let me say goodbye.

They say the Lord stoops to watch over us (113:6). I don’t know. It seems a little insulting to the Lord. I prefer to say he turns to hear us (v.2). But that is still a little strange because it sounds like the Lord is hard-of-hearing with such a description. Maybe the angels are singing a little too loud up there. I heard they have harps and trumpets. But seriously, I pin the blame on us. Our cries are never loud and earnest enough. But this time, the Lord heard me. And I felt different. Like I was in the middle of a tug-of-war, and the momentum just shifted in my favour. The Lord pulled my life away from Death (v.8). It’s like I’ve got a foothold in my slipping. It’s like I have a float in my sinking. I think the biggest difference is my state of mind. I feel safe. I feel at ease. I said to myself, “Turn, my spirit, to your complete rest, because YHWH, he has dealt with you.” [4]

In our troubles, in times of danger, we often think that we want answers. We think we want solutions, we want help and we want the issue to go away. We cry out to God. And sometimes, like in my case, God shows up. He dealt with me. Do all the troubles fade away? Not always. Sometimes, the situation worsens because God is revealed to be the punisher. Yet, we feel safe with God showing up. There is acceptance. If you have gone through this, you might agree, God showing up is enough. “Because what (we are) really looking for isn’t answers, but a relationship. (We) thought we wanted answers. But what we want is the love of God. We want the relationship restored.” [5] And so when I felt YHWH pulling me towards life, I felt his presence. He showed up. I felt his love. And I reciprocate his love. [6] He has given me life, and this life now belongs to the Lord. It is my dedication that I will continue to rely on God and to call on him; and to walk with him for the rest of my days.

The above is my humble attempt to turn poetry to prose. The power of poetry lies in its ability to say so much with so little, and I fear that I would destroy its beauty with analysis and applications. So I retold the poetry with a story. I hope that the narrative form has given you a chance to enter into the world of the psalmist, and especially into his mind. Perhaps you may feel the wrestle with Death, and also experience the intervention of God. The Jews relive the Exodus story whenever they have their Passover meal. But Elder ChernHan is right, Exodus feels like it is the story of the Jews. [7] We need a story where God is also the God of our salvation. But not everybody has the kind of back-breaking painful crisis he experienced and described so pitifully for us. That is reserved for manly men like him. Most of us are weak, and we only dare to cry out when it is a deadly situation. The strength of today’s story lies in its generic nature. The details of our troubles may differ, but the inner struggles differ little. We start with denial and anger, fighting hard against Death. We bargain for time and options and end up in grief. But in God’s presence, we find acceptance. Just like how the story of Exodus is a source of strength to the Jews, I hope today’s story can be a comforting reminder to you someday.

Today’s story continues the theme of reliance and trustworthiness of God. There is none as formidable, and as patient a foe as Death. What can we possibly rely on in this fight with Death? The blatant truth is that, but for the grace of God, we will walk alone. And so even though this seems like a story about an individual being saved, it has meaning for every one of us. We all rely on God when it comes to the matter of Death. What does it feel like to be fighting against Death with the power of God?

(Note to translator, don’t read this as if it is a bible passage. Read it as a proclamation.) 1 Corinthians 15: 51 Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed —52 in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. 53 For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality. 54 When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.”
55 “Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?”
56 The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. 57 But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
58 Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

P.S. The next sermon on the second half of Psalm 116 can be found at: http://www.jubilee.org.sg/sermons/?sermon_id=400

Footnotes:

[1] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rope-a-dope
[2] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rumble_in_the_Jungle
[3] Goldingay’s translation in Baker Commentary
[4] Ibid. p 342
[5] Inspired by a sermon from the New Covenant Presbyterian Church: http://newcovpca.org/index.php?option=com_sermonspeaker&task=singlesermon&id=10530&Itemid=35
[6] “It is at least suggestive that there is no point in the Bible when someone says that they dedicate themselves to or love God. The Bible’s reticence in this regard is remarkable when compared with the ease with which modern Christians profess their love for God, though of course the Bible does urge us to love God in the sense of dedicating ourselves in this way.” – Goldingay
[7] http://www.jubilee.org.sg/sermons/id/395/