The Father and the King

Title: The Father and the King
Preacher: Rev. Wong Siow Hwee

In his earlier message, Rev. Enoch spoke about the inaction of David. David was very angry, yet he did nothing. David did nothing when Amnon raped Tamar. David did nothing when Absalom, who murdered Amnon, escaped. Today, I wish to continue the reflection on action and inaction. First off, we need to understand why there is inaction. Some people are just the slow, procrastinating or cowardly type. This is why they are always stuck at the stage of inaction. But this was not the case for David. David was a man of action. We saw his swift decisions in handling Goliath. He decided right away that Goliath could not be tolerated and he went on to fight him boldly. He was also not the wishy-washy type in his personal relationships. He was a good friend to Jonathan, and a loyal subject to Saul who tried to kill him, and he acted accordingly despite the dangerous situations. Even the way he treated the women in his life was clear and direct. What he did to Bathsheba and Uriah was wrong, but clearly he was a man of action. And we also see his quick and clear decisions as a king. Both times, whether it was prophet Nathan or in today’s passage with the wise woman, when given a case study, David was bold and strong in his judgements. He condemned the rich man in Nathan’s story strongly, and he was equally forgiving to the son in the woman’s story. David was a man of action.

So why was he stuck in inaction over the matters of his own sons, Amnon, and later Absalom? I believe the problem laid in the dilemma of David’s dual roles as both father and king. David knew what he had to do as a father, and he knew what he had to do as a king. But as both a father and king, when the roles were in conflict, somehow he got stuck in inaction. What do I mean by the dilemma of his dual roles? David couldn’t do the right thing with Amnon, possibly because Amnon was his firstborn son. As a king he had to administer justice, but as a father he couldn’t do it. So the situation was in limbo for 2 years until Absalom took matters into his own hands. The situation was again repeated with Absalom. He should have judged Absalom as a murderer, but again as a father, he couldn’t do it. When there was a conflict between his dual roles, David remained stuck in inaction.

In contrast, in today’s passage, we have Joab who did something[1]. The wise woman from Tekoa said: 20 Your servant Joab did this to change the present situation. 20 王的仆人约押如此行，为要挽回这事。 The present situation was that there was a father who was longing for a banished son. The present situation was bad! What was needed was not inaction but action. Verse 14 But God does not take away life; rather, he devises ways so that a banished person does not remain banished from him. 14 神并不夺取人的性命，乃设法使逃亡的人不致成为赶出回不来的。 The woman was saying that since God would have done something, this was a time of action, not inaction. Rev Enoch made the same point in his sermon as this verse today: “God is still at work, God can still show grace and neither God nor man is done with co-creating.” [2]

How did Joab solve the Father-King dilemma of David? He created a scenario where the king could act with compassion and even pardon a murderer. In this created scenario, the king was willing to pardon the son out of compassion for the mother, so that she would have a descendent to take over her family’s inheritance. And when David exercised his right to pardon, then Joab, through the mouth of the woman, pointed out the inconsistency between his verdict for the woman and David’s own situation with Absalom. 13 The woman said, “Why then have you devised a thing like this against the people of God? When the king says this, does he not convict himself, for the king has not brought back his banished son? 13 妇人说：“王为何也起意要害神的民呢？王不使那逃亡的人回来，王的这话就是自证己错了。 This means that just as how David pardoned the woman’s son, David could also pardon his own son if he wanted to. With this change of perspective on the role of the king, the Father-King dilemma of David was solved. As a father, David longed for his son. As a King, he could then exercise his right to pardon. The dual roles were no longer in conflict. So David could move from inaction, into an action of restoring the banished son. And that was just what David did.

But hold on. Let’s think again. Were the two roles really not in conflict? As a father, David was reluctant to condemn his son. Yet on the other hand, as a father, it would also be a conflict of interest to pardon his son who did something wrong. You see that? As a king, David had the right to pardon. But if he did so as a father, it could easily be perceived as an abuse of authority.

So David did 2 things to ensure that the public perception about his pardoning of Absalom was not being misconstrued. One, he made sure that this petition for the pardon of Absalom did not come from himself. This was Joab’s petition. Joab understood this. 22 Joab said, “Today your servant knows that he has found favor in your eyes, my lord the king, because the king has granted his servant’s request.” 22 约押就面伏于地叩拜，祝谢于王，又说：“王既应允仆人所求的，仆人今日知道在我主我王眼前蒙恩了。 This pardon was David the king granting Joab’s request. It was not David the father authorizing his own request.

Two, the second thing that David did, was that Absalom had to go to his own house; he must not see David’s face. Remember what I said about the triple meanings of the word ‘house’? It could mean the physical place where you stay; it could also mean family and country. In a physical way, Absalom was forced to live separately from David. But more importantly, there was the subtle hint that Absalom was now in his own house, in his own family. This pardon must not be perceived as nepotism due to Absalom belonging to the house of David. Even though he was pardoned at the request of Joab, it must also be shown that he now belonged to a separate house.

If this were to happen to any other sons of David, the story might have ended peacefully at this point. But then we are told just how handsome Absalom was. He was so handsome, everybody praised him exceedingly. So handsome! From top to bottom, there was no blemish. So perfect! Every time he went to the barber, his fallen hair became a collector’s item. What’s the purpose of this information from the storyteller? Was he trying to organize a fan club for Absalom? This was a subtle way of telling us that Absalom was a genuine throne contender, perhaps even the hot favorite.
Look at the case of Saul.
1 Samuel 10: 23 They ran and brought him out, and as he stood among the people he was a head taller than any of the others. 24 Samuel said to all the people, “Do you see the man the Lord has chosen? There is no one like him among all the people.” Then the people shouted, “Long live the king!”
23 众人就跑去从那里领出他来。他站在百姓中间，身体比众民高过一头。 24 撒母耳对众民说：“你们看耶和华所拣选的人，众民中有可比他的吗？”众民就大声欢呼说：“愿王万岁！”
The same was described about David.
2 Samuel 16: 12 (David) was glowing with health and had a fine appearance and handsome features.
12 他面色光红，双目清秀，容貌俊美。
Whether it is in ancient times or in our world today, people associate attractiveness with great potential. Absalom was a genuine throne contender. And so the story cannot end peacefully, because Absalom knew that he was meant for greater things. He would not be contented just to be restored from his banishment. He had to get back into the house of David, to become prince once again. And so after waiting for two years, he eventually forced the hand of Joab, and David acknowledged him back into his house.

But I think something had changed in Absalom’s heart in the 3 years of banishment and another 2 years of separation. Remember, David, in his pardoning of Absalom, had to demonstrate that he was pardoning as the king and not as the father. But was it not possible that this separation of relationship became concretized in Absalom’s mind? From a separated house, it became a broken house. David was now a king, and no longer a father. Observe his words and actions carefully. 32 Absalom said to Joab, “Now then, I want to see the king’s face.” 32 押沙龙回答约押说：“’现在要许我见王的面。” (He didn’t say, ‘I want to see my father’s face.’) 33 Then the king summoned Absalom, and he came in and bowed down with his face to the ground before the king. 33 王便叫押沙龙来。押沙龙来见王，在王面前俯伏于地。 He adopted and performed the same posture of servanthood as the wise women in verse 4, and Joab in verse 22. You are not the father, but the king to me; but that also means that one day I can snatch the throne away from you without any guilty feelings of being an unfilial son.

This situation is sad, but it is also one of the most common scenarios in history. The great Emperor Kang Xi of the Qing dynasty had the same trouble with his first crown prince. [3] The first King of the Joseon dynasty experienced the same heartache with his sons as well.[4] King Taejo abdicated out of sadness. In history, it has been demonstrated that it is extremely tricky to balance this dual role of a Father-King. This is even more so if you have many sons all eyeing the one single throne. This is also not forgetting the resources and influence each prince wields to manipulate the situation according to their wishes. We see Absalom burning the field of Joab without remorse or recrimination to get what he wanted.

I keep wondering to myself: was there something David could have done differently? When Absalom finally returned to David, he faced David like a loyal servant, and David accepted him. But to Absalom, that acceptance was purely his means to fight for the throne. There was no true father-son reconciliation. I’m reminded of the parable of the prodigal son. In that story, the son returned to the father with a similar mindset.
Luke 15: Father, 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ 22 “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23 Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. 24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’
19 从今以后，我不配称为你的儿子，把我当做一个雇工吧！” 22 父亲却吩咐仆人说：‘把那上好的袍子快拿出来给他穿，把戒指戴在他指头上，把鞋穿在他脚上， 23 把那肥牛犊牵来宰了，我们可以吃喝快乐！ 24 因为我这个儿子是死而复活，失而又得的。’
To the elder son who was unhappy about the celebration: 31 “‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours.
31 父亲对他说：‘儿啊！你常和我同在，我一切所有的都是你的。
In the parable of the prodigal son, I sense true father-son reconciliation. The son asked to be a servant, but the father acknowledged him as a son. The elder son asked to be the favoured son, but the father acknowledged him to be the co-owner of the house.

I cannot pretend to know what to do in David’s situation. I don’t. In all likelihood, I might have made the situation worse, even with the advantage of hindsight. But what I do know is that reconciliation takes personal sacrifice. At least, that’s the way our heavenly father does it. There is the sacrifice of pride, the willingness to be vulnerable to hurt, and even to give up control. I do not envy having the dual role of a father-King, because being a father itself is already a huge challenge without the power struggle that comes with a kingship. I learn to say sorry to my children. I learn to share my struggles and difficult decisions in life with them. I learn to teach them by being a faithful learner myself. I do it not just out of responsibility but also out of love, and I learn how to make the two mindsets not mutually exclusive. I am thankful that our heavenly father first paved the way to be sacrificial in love. He openly revealed himself and participated in person in the lives of his children. I hope this is the vision for us as well. Amen.

[1]I want to highlight something about the significance of Joab’s action. I want to demonstrate that just how courageous and wise it is. We are told right in the beginning that “Joab son of Zeruiah knew that the king’s heart longed for Absalom.” Knowing the king’s heart is a big deal. Proverbs 25: 3 As the heavens are high and the earth is deep, so the hearts of kings are unsearchable. Yet Joab was able to know David’s heart! I think it speaks volumes about the depth of their relationship, as well as Joab’s wisdom. He must have observed David for the past 3 years, and gathered his conclusion based on noticing all the subtle signs from David. Joab eventually concluded that the king’s heart longed for Absalom. You might think that concluding that a father longing for a son is a no-brainer, but that’s not true. This is an extremely dangerous judgement call to make. This is a case of one son killing another son. And so a lot of it will depend on which son does David actually favor. But it is hard to judge David’s actual feelings about his sons because all we can see is David’s inaction, both towards Amnon and Absalom. There is no clear evidence to know exactly how David felt about Absalom. It could be longing, it could be hatred, it could even be both. And if Joab guessed wrongly, things could end really badly for him.
And even if Joab is confident about his decision, it doesn’t mean he has to do something about it. Why meddle with the King’s private affairs? The game of thrones often leaves few survivors. In fact, Joab himself would later pay a heavy price for supporting the fourth prince Adonijah. Frankly speaking, if I were Joab, I would rather stay out of this one. But then again, I’m reminded of what sister Chow Lian said, distrust and fear can defeat hesed (不相信和恐惧可以打败hesed). Thankfully, Joab had enough trust and courage to stay true to his commitment with David. And he acted with loyalty to his lord and king. He is taking on a lot of risk to serve the will of David, and that sadly turned out to be true in the events that followed. But he did it anyway.
[2] http://www.jubilee.org.sg/sermons/?sermon_id=783
[3]https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kangxi_Emperor#Succession_disputes
[4]https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseon#Strife_of_princes